Today was another good day. It was busy and I won't bore you with all the details, but I'm glad to say that I was able to do everything I needed to. I don't feel like I had chemo yesterday and I am thankful for that.
This evening we went to pick up our CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) share at the farm. E took off towards the goats as usual and was dismayed to discover that they were "in timeout" in the barn for escaping (again). He had a hard time believing the goats could do anything that would require them to not only be in timeout, but more importantly, be deprived of him feeding them. There were tears and a lot of "but why!?!?!?!"
Meanwhile Geoff and I were scoping out our veggies of the week with Ella. A woman I didn't recognize walked by and said something cute to her which then morphed into something about her being a 12 lb baby. Of course at this point, I took note. Then the lady turned to me and asked if I was still breastfeeding her. I was at a complete loss for words. I know my agony showed on my face and since I already gave it away I replied with an honest "no. I had to stop last week when I began chemo treatment."
The lady responded with an equally pained expression. Then she threw her arms around me. She launched into a tirade of "how unfair...you're too young...god bless your heart..." I'm not exactly sure what she said. I know there was a time when I would have backing away, but her reaction was genuine and raw and paralleled my internal feelings.
She was sincerely sweet and didn't interrogate us, but instead the conversation had a natural flow that led to her talking about Gilda's Club, a cancer support club in Madison for the whole family. We've heard about it (from our wonderful NP of course) and have been meaning to check it out because they have activities and groups aimed at little kiddos 4 and younger. She had heard wonderful things about the place too, but hadn't been there herself.
She initially heard about it from a gorgeous hospice home near Geoff's work. Apparently her mother was diagnosed early 2012 with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and died 2 months later. It all happened so fast and according to her, she is still having a hard time dealing with the grief, so it was recommended that she check out some of the support systems available at Gilda's Club.
I'm not sure exactly why I crossed paths with her today or even how the chain of events progressed from admiring and acknowledging my little love to bringing up the one thing that would make me reveal my dirty little secret. Obviously we have talked to her before, (Geoff remembers this, I do not) because she knew about Ella's giant birth status. I will however, remember her now. It's funny how these things work.
It's ironic that on the way to CSA I was telling Geoff that one of the things about cancer was I was able to see for the first time in my life all the different groups and associations that I belong to...my college friends, his college friends, my friends from my hometown, my neighbors, my work friends, my birthing world friends, my midwifery school friends, my parenting friends, my animal friends, and the list goes on and on...Cancer sucks but it makes certain aspects of your life are so transparent. It makes everyone realize that you aren't to be taken for granted and it definitely makes you realize not to take anyone or anything for granted. I will never look at life the same way as I did pre-cancer again. I am forever changed. The new me is more than happy to befriend a stranger with a common love for organic veggies and chubby babies who probably needs hugs just as much as me if not more.
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