Week in Review

I still want to write a blog post about our Christmas and New Years and include pictures, but I'm currently trying to get a very overtired 2 year old girl to go to sleep and if I leave her room to get the camera she will climb out of her crib and sneak off, so I'll save that for another night...maybe tomorrow...

I can sneak a couple photos from our Christmas photo session with our beloved Beth Skogen. We just got our Holiday cards this week (completely our fault) and haven't even sent them out yet, but the photos were sort made public by a wonderful fundraising event that a friend is throwing for us in a few weeks.

Holiday photos, cards, and a fundraiser have really been the most exciting news of our week...well, with the exception of today. Today was the first day in weeks that I have felt good. I actually got out of bed, showered, and was ready to go without feeling miserable. The kids were a little wild-too much cabin fever, and we had already rented Despicable Me 2 last night to watch today. With that in mind, I suggested we take them to the Children's Museum and let them run/climb/create for a few hours. Geoff asked if I was sure I was up to it. I assured him I was and off we went.

We made a quick Target run on the way, then spent a few hours at the Children's Museum. We had lunch while we were there and then headed home. Ella fell asleep in the car on the way home, but remarkably stayed asleep as Geoff carried her in. E took a nice nap too once we got home. Geoff and I got a few things done while they were napping and then watched some Netflix. Once everyone was up we made a dinner from Pinterest and watched our movie. It may sound like a relatively boring day, but to us it was a day to celebrate. I have felt miserable for weeks and have barely been out of bed.

Sure, I've run a few errands, but I have been getting exhausted so easily it's ridiculous. I can't tell you how many times in these past few weeks we have talked about how worried we both are. Up until Wednesday, maybe Thursday, I was still having low grade fevers. I have swollen lymph nodes in my neck...one that is so big you could actually see it for a few days.

I've talked with my NP about all the possible causes...we talked about sinus infections since I've had a few these past few months. We've talked about a respiratory infection. Worst of all, we've talked about cancer spreading crazy fast. Regardless, I really think I just had some miserable viral bug combined with chemo side effects.

I had chemo yesterday, so it was really unexpected to me that today was the best day I've had in weeks, but I'll take it. I feel like my old self and I'm looking forward to getting some stuff done tomorrow...a little school work and a little house work.

In other news, I gave notice at my job this week. We decided that with as miserable as I have been feeling and the support of social security this would be best for me. It takes a lot of pressure off of me and frankly, it will help with school too since I'm currently on-call 24/7 and now I won't have to fret about what to do if I get a call while I'm at work. Once again, I feel like a bit of a bum for relying on social security disability, but the stress reduction from knowing I don't have to worry about trying to go to work when I feel miserable made it all worthwhile.

In brighter news, let's talk about this fundraising benefit that a friend of ours is throwing for us. She had talked to us about it a couple of times, but I was never sure how serious she was. Then suddenly she asked for photos for a flyer and next thing I knew she posted the flyer to my Facebook page. I am excited. Really excited actually. It's kind of a surprise party that I know about, but I don't. I've seen the flyer and I've seen a few other things that she has mentioned to Geoff or other people about the event, but really I have no idea how it is all going to go. I'm worried that no one will show up, but I've had a few people that have assured me they are coming (including my mom). Really though, how exciting!

Geoff and I occasionally find ourselves talking about dismal things like funerals or memorial services and while we've never actually made a significant decision, I see this as the solution. Funerals and memorials are for the survivors. If I were to die, they are for the people left behind. It isn't for me. This party is actually for me. Now, please don't think I'm thinking I'm going to die. I'm not. At least I really hope I'm not, but this is my chance to see everyone that matters and have fun and give/get hugs.

Don't get me wrong, I plan to have another HUGE party when I reach my 5 year survival rate, but that one I'll do the work for and this one, I just get to enjoy.

I've heard other cancer patients talk about how fun and special their benefit parties were to them. Secretly I was always jealous...not because of the benefit part, because I feel like I've been pretty lucky where benefits have been concerned. A cancer cell sale, a ready to rumble round two sale, a yoga fundraiser, a zumba fundraiser, a dessert fundraiser, a weekend away fundraiser...I really have been blessed. And that's not even beginning to mention all the people that have sent us gift cards, checks, cash, gifts, and love without any affiliation to a fundraiser.

I'm so behind on thank you notes, that I will probably still be writing them when I have my 5 year survival party...but trust me, I'm trying...The beauty of this fundraiser to me is that it is a party. For me...I get to say thank you for coming and hug people and just enjoy the day. I feel like a princess. Other than worrying that no one will come, my only other fears are that I'll get sick or be too tired, but the reality is that regardless of any of it, a friend went to all this work for me...for me...I feel so lucky!

Cancer really is a gift sometimes. Sure I'm coming up on that year benchmark and I worry about what if they were really right? What if I don't get to see my kiddos go to grade school, middle school, high school, or college? What if I never get to take that trip to Paris with my mom that we've always dreamed about? Or all the other trips I want to take with Geoff and the kids? The list of what ifs are endless, but so is the list of how lucky I have been...I have so many people that care about me and my family. I have been so blessed with the people in my life and they never cease to amaze me.