The Vampire Diaries

So I have missed a few posts lately and I could easily attribute it to the season, but that's not it...

I had no wi-fi at my parent's last weekend, but I still could have posted from my phone, used my parent's computer (which did have wi-fi ironically), or gone somewhere else. I also could have written my post without a connection and posted when I did have a connection, but that thought never occurred to me. The reality is, I had budgeted and expended all of my energy before realizing the difficulty with internet.

Last night I didn't have an internet connection issues, I just had energy issues. I fell asleep on the couch at 8pm. I was asleep before either of my kids. When Geoff woke me up to go upstairs, I had no interest and wanted to stay on the couch, but he convinced me to come upstairs for the kid's story time. As soon as we were done I went to bed.

In addition to falling asleep at an abnormally early time, I have also been unusually cold, ridiculously irritable, and completely exhausted. I can't think straight and I certainly can't concentrate. I am so relieved that I took a break from school, I don't know what I would have done otherwise. All I want to do is hibernate. Last night when I fell asleep on the couch I had the fireplace on and I was sleeping with a  heating pad for my back and another on my stomach. That was blissful, everything else is torture.

So I'm still anemic.

Usually when I'm anemic I crave red meat, but not this time. Right now it repulses me. One of my favorite drinks is Kale and Apple Juice, but right now it holds no special appeal to me. Regardless Geoff picked some up for me from the co-op last night.

So this morning we went to my nearly 2 week post-op check up. My wonderful NP asked how I was doing and I told her everything as I sipped my Kale Apple Juice. Her theory was that I am still anemic and chemo/radiation/surgery has finally caught up with me. She told me I still deserve a super-hero cape (god, I love her), but I need to rest! She looked at the incision in my belly button and agreed that it looks good. We also met with my gyn oncologist/surgeon and I now have 3 weeks until my next appointment. The best part of today? I did not have to remove my pants!

After my appointment I headed to the lab. I decided to have my port accessed so it could have it's required monthly flush. The port worked beautifully. Seriously, better than ever.

This afternoon I got the results and I am still anemic. My levels have come up some in the past two weeks (for those who understand...my H & H is now 9 & 26), but my NP still offered a transfusion. I feel like crap, so it didn't take me long to decide. What the hell? Tomorrow morning I have a neurology appointment (for all the numbness & tingling in my fingers...I don't know what they are going to do, but again what the hell do I have to loose?) and then I have an appointment in my good ole chemo stomping grounds for a blood transfusion. I'm looking forward to getting more cancer flare.

We'll see how it goes. I'm pretty optimistic.

If I'm completely honest though, I wish I was giving blood instead of taking. I've donated blood since my 16th birthday (the blood mobile was at my school that day and I used it as an opportunity to get out of a class). When Ella was born I needed a few units. I planned to give blood as soon after her 1st birthday as I could arrange (you can't give blood for a year after a transfusion), but then I found out a week before her birthday that I had cancer.

Now I don't know when or if I'll be able to donate blood again. It's my nature to want to give and not take so it bothers me that even though this is by choice, I'm taking. So since I can't give myself, I'm going to ask that if you want to help me, donate blood. I can't do it, but many of you can. Even if one of you donates blood you can replace the blood I'm going to use tomorrow. I promise your sacrifice will be appreciated!