The last few days have been pretty great. I don't really feel like I had major surgery. I'm really anemic this time and I can tell that, but that combined with some pain that's about it. Before I left the hospital the results of my labs came back and they asked if I wanted a blood transfusion or two. My NP told me to think about it, but that there was no pressure. She also said if I changed my mind I could always call later and say so. I would just have to come back in. I really don't want to, but Geoff has asked me a couple times the last few days if I should reconsider.
This morning we made a list of errands we needed to run. Most of them I was just going to ride along in the car with so Geoff wouldn't have to take the kids in everywhere we go and I could get out of the house. There are a few places that I really want to go in, but I don't have a lot of energy to run errands.
It's 11:30 and we're putzing. None of us were up before 9 so we'll get going soon, but what really slowed us down was a phone call from my surgeon. He called to see how I was doing and to give us the pathology report. I told him I was doing great and he was appropriately pleased. Then the sucker punch came...Remember that MRI I had a few weeks ago that showed that I was cancer free? Well, I've learned not to completely trust these things, but at the same time, I think they are usually right.
As it turns out, the pathology report from my surgery showed I was not cancer free. There was a small amount (like millimeters) of cancer that had spread to my uterus. All the margins came back clean (this means that most likely all the cancer was contained and the edges of all the parts removed from me showed no cancer).
I think this hit all of us with mixed results. My surgeon sounded really optimistic and positive but there was an underlying tone of concern. Geoff and I both are not surprised and yet very surprised. I'm sure that doesn't make sense, but it does to us. We really weren't surprised to hear that there was cancer in my uterus after all, at the same time it scares the crap out of us.
No one really thought it had spread. Most of tumor board really thought it was gone and therefore recommended against the surgery. There is no doubt in my mind that I'm glad that I did the surgery. I'm fairly optimistic it is all gone, but there is that what if? What if it spread somewhere else and just didn't show up yet? I want to be done.
This feels like a cruel joke. I'm still waiting for him to call back and say "just kidding."
Overall, it probably will be nothing. They did the surgery. They should have gotten all the cancer and we'll move on with our lives, but only time will tell. For right now I need to move on and get going on those errands, but it's hard not to crumble and cry.
Update: We decided it was best to call back and get some clarification so Geoff called my surgeon back and talked to him. As it turns out the cancerous area was the area that has been in question all along. It was not a new area. In fact, he said there could still be argument that the radiation was still working to that area so I potentially didn't need the surgery, but let me be clear...This is not his viewpoint. He also stated that area in question is basically microscopic at this point. Geoff asked about lymph nodes and my surgeon stated that all the local lymph nodes were eradicated so they shouldn't be a concern either. It was a good thing Geoff called back b/c now we both feel much better!
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