Feast or famine

I view much of what I blog as a shared journal of my cancer journey. It is a way for me to be able to remember and reflect. It is also a way for my to share my experiences.

What I have to talk about tonight is a reoccurring theme throughout my treatment. Geoff and I laugh about the meal support we've received. Before I say anything else I want to point out that we appreciate EVERYTHING EVERYONE has done! Now I am going to tell you the truth about meal support...it is feast or famine. Literally.

Tonight the theme is feast. I usually don't include weekends on the meal sign-ups because I figure we can eat left-overs, get take out, or fend for ourselves. It isn't as hard as the weeknights when Geoff has to balance everything else with work. I also don't include weekends because we are sporadic and rarely sitting at home. Honestly, I just don't do sitting at home. Even when I am miserable I usually ride along on errands, walk around Target or better yet, putz around a cute little boutique. Then I go home and nap so I can do it again.

I get cabin fever sitting at home for more than a day or two. This used to drive Geoff nuts, but I think that he's given up. At the same time, this is part of what exhausts him.

So back to the meal planning...

Originally there was no plan for tonight, but Friday a former co-worker friend asked if she could share some of her family's Thanksgiving food (they were planning a family Thanksgiving dinner for today). Then yesterday a classmate of mine set up a plan to have Jimmy John's delivered for us tonight.

Geoff and I felt blessed. I also felt guilty. I feel like a food hoarder or like I'm cheating on someone. It's not that any of the food will go uneaten or unappreciated. Really.

Then, the person that was to make our dinner for tomorrow asked if she could bring her food today too. Secretly I was pleased. This means all our food for the week would be done and taken care of. I wouldn't have to worry about scheduling times or being awake for food drop-offs for the rest of the week.

At the same time, I was mortified. What if everyone showed up at the same time and they saw me for who I really am? Would there be yelling and a giant food fight? Would everyone take their food and leave assuming we don't appreciate everything they have done for us?

We still have freezer meals so we would all be ok, but honestly, we are tapped and we really rely on these meals.

I'm really tired and I can't lift anything more than a gallon of milk. This means no kids, no laundry, no anything in our house...In other words, all of it falls on Geoff. He was already tapped out and he used to do most of the cooking. I do a lot of the dishes, unloading/loading the dishwasher and general cleaning up and even with everything prepared for us that seems like too much at times.

So 3 meals on one night...It was great! We had dinner taken care of and now we have lunch and dinner for the next couple days taken care of. Then Thursday is Thanksgiving and that's taken care of too. Next weekend we'll do leftovers and freezer meals and then we'll see where things go from there.