The Plan

The appointment today went well...Our super awesome NP emailed me last night to let me know that she wasn't going to be there today. Her husband and midwife convinced her it was time to start her maternity leave. Although I missed her and it wasn't the same without her, I agree, it was the right thing to do.

So my gyn-oncologist is this super upbeat friendly guy. He's a funny character and instead of making a big happy show when he walked in the room today, he came in with a purpose. He greeted both of us, shook our hands, and then kind of pushed up his sleeves, and said something about it being time to put on our armor and go to battle. He asked if I was ready and when I wanted to start. I said "tomorrow. Seriously, tomorrow." His response, "ok. I'll check the schedule."

There was a little more than that, but that was the biggest part. Then we talked about the schedule. Tomorrow I will start with "Cis-topo" treatment.

So I will once again battle it out with Cisplatin, but this time it will be a higher dose. On one hand I inwardly groan at the idea of more Cisplatin because I know I will be sick, really sick, but on the other hand, I have an idea of what that sick will be like and I know what to do (chemo, run an errand or two, pick up kids, more anti-nausea meds and benadryl, hot bath, doze while soaking in the tub a bit, and then move to heating pad and heated blanket with a bucket by the bed).

I will also have the Topotecan, or "topo" tomorrow. This medication kills cancer cells by messing up the cancer cell's growth cycle and this is the med that will make me lose my hair. Both meds can make my blood counts drop.

In addition to the combo/cocktail tomorrow, I will have more topo on Wednesday and again on Thursday. Jealous,  yet? I bet! Then in three weeks we start it all over again and we will do this for 6 cycles. About half way through, so about mid May there will be another PET scan to see how it is going. As long as the lymph nodes are the same or smaller we will continue with this treatment plan, and if they increase we will go to plan B.

So plan B. That was the best part of all of this...Geoff and I are doing so well at being optimistic, but at the same time we both shared our concerns that we were going to get to the appointment today and not have options. Instead there were options and they sound good. Well, maybe not good, but you know what I mean.

I'm excited to start chemo again tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to how it is going to make me feel, but I'm just going to keep telling myself over and over that my body heals quickly and that the cancer is dying. It will all be ok.

I've already been asked a bunch of times today about whether or not I'm going to get another port. At this time, I am not. Last time I requested it thinking it would make my life easier and it didn't. It was much more uncomfortable than I ever imagined and in the end I think I dreaded having my port accessed just as much as any of the treatments. I have pretty good veins for IV sticks and as long as I can stay hydrated and keep those veins we should be able to stay away from a port. Better yet, since I have my chemo cycles in 3 day spurts and a peripheral IV is good for 72 hours, the current plan is we will try to wrap up my iv from Tuesday each time and use it for all three days.

What else to tell you? Let's see...I can actually palpate one of the lymph nodes. I knew where it was because it was causing me a little discomfort. I don't see this as an overly terrible thing because I have always been pretty in tune with my body. The first time around I could literally feel a pinching sensation on my cervix, so this really is no surprise. I am kind of in awe of it because it is like I get to actually gauge it myself now. I know where one is. I know what it feels like now. I get to visualize it being destroyed by tiny fighter jets or to visualize it shrinking and shrinking until voila! nothing to worry about anymore.

I think nerves and anxiety have been doing a good job of creeping in and increasing the overall general discomfort and nausea, but today I was able to eat like a normal person...Well, a normal person with really good, high quality protein and well-accounted for food. One of my favorite parts of the food today was I tried raw milk for the first time and it was AMAZING! I happily drank two glasses. I feel so blessed that someone shared this with me. I've given up soda (except a glass or two of Sprite to ease my stomach), many processed foods, a lot of added sugars, and I'm trying to drink water like crazy because I know how quickly the hydration will go. I've also added a lot of old favorite green teas back into the mix.

The rest of the day continued to feel like a blessing. I almost want to thank Ella for waking me last night. I feel so loved and blessed-there is no other way to describe it. Last time around, I think focused too much on the "poor me" or "why me?" and this time I know why...I really needed this to see the beauty of the people I am surrounded with. Just as important this has helped me to see how important I am to everyone around me. I'm not sure if it is vain to say this, but I feel like I have been shown a path to enlightenment.

Chemo is scheduled bright and early at 8 am tomorrow. I have to have labs before chemo and we have to drop E off at preschool and Ella off at daycare, so it is going to be an early start. It seems weird to say that I'm ready and dare I say, looking forward to starting chemo. I don't want the cancer to win. I feel like I have the support network, the knowledge, and the tools to tolerate chemo better this time and I am going to take advantage of all of it.