True test

It's been a few days since I last posted...It's not because I've been sick or because I have been so exhausted I can't do anything...In fact, it's kind of the opposite...I'm having a hard time sitting down.

This doesn't mean I'm back to my old self or that I don't get exhausted. I'm not and I do. It's just that I finally have a little more stamina and a few more things to do to go along with that stamina. By the time I'm done with everything I want to get done, I am exhausted and I fall asleep before writing a blog post.

It's been a little over a week since I had the blood transfusions, and to me, it feels like a month ago. It seems like compared to how much I've been able to do for the last few months, I've gotten that much done in the last week. This is not actually true, but I will settle for "feels like."

Initially I felt great and then I noticed the chills creeping back in, and the exhaustion, and the crankiness. Then it all kind of settled. As things settled I noticed I would have bursts of energy that coincided with bursts of clearer thinking, so I used this to my advantage. I've made all of this work this week by working, reading, working, reading, etc. The only thing is, the working=household chores, holiday decorating, wrapping presents, or even one day decorating cut out cookies with my mom (she made all of them at my house and despite her demands that I go lay down we decorated all but 2-those two we left for E).

Today was the true test of it all...I had my first oncology acupuncture appointment. Specifically it was aimed at treating the numbness and tingling I've had in my hands for these past few months. Prior to today I have noticed it finally starting to dissipate, so I decided I wanted to see how I would do with just the acupuncture and not taking gabapentin. I took my early morning dose, but no midday dose.

By the time I had my appointment the numbness/tingling was definitely irritating me enough that I was aware I had missed a dose. Personally, I feel like the acupuncture helped immensely. I've thought about the numbness/tingling a few times throughout the day, but it hasn't irritated me into needing more medication. I'm hoping that the combination of all of this fading on it's own and acupuncture will finally allow me to fully taper off gabapentin.

I'm still taking Ibuprofen, or Tylenol, here and there or occasionally a half a Norco (similarish to Vicodin) at bedtime, but I'm also trying to cut back and eliminate the need for any of these. Last week I was still taking Zofran for nausea and this week, I don't think I've needed it all.

I'm optimistic about this next week, but not as optimistic about the following week...I'm dying to get my lifting restrictions eliminated so I can pick up Ella again. E understands to come sit on my lap or that I can't pick him up (most of the time). It makes me want to pull my hair out at times because it takes him so long (mostly due to self imposed distractions) but E can get in and out of his car seat himself and climb into the car, bed, into the bath, etc.

Ella on the other hand will cry, run to me with her hands outstretched and say "mama!" and I can't pick her up. I crouch down on the floor, and often she will walk away, but as soon as I stand up she will reach for me again. Worse yet is when she falls. She is a toddler and therefore, toddles and trips frequently...It is just painful for me as I realize I can't scoop her up into my loving arms the way any other mom can.

Don't worry, I'm fussed about it, but not too much. We've come this far, we can make it another week. I just need to be careful that I don't overdo it the minute I can lift them again just because I can...I know I will be tempted...