There is nothing more healing to me than time outdoors, wildlife, and sleep, and there is an abundance of all of the above here. In fact, the highlight of my day was just as I was feeling bad for being tired and taking a break to float on a board before trying to catch another wave, a seal popped up about 10-15 feet from me and some of the other surf campers. It was amazing and makes me smile every time I think about it.
Another highlight of my day is the encouragement and fellowship. Just before we saw the seal I voiced my frustration at being tired so easily and another camper responded with something about how strong I am and that he wouldn't have been able to go surfing during his treatment.
I haven't done any school work while I've been here. I have barely responded to emails and other than Geoff and the kids I haven't talked on the phone. For once I've allowed myself to shut down. I'm not trying to multitask and take care of everyone...there are people here for that.
Don't get me wrong I'll be happy to go home in Friday. I miss the Geoff, the kids, and the zoo like crazy. I can't wait to hug and cuddle all of them. Though I have to say its been kind of nice to be able to go the bathroom or shower without kids, cats, and/or dogs making their presence known.
At the same time I'm going to enjoy the rest of my time of being pampered. I can't really complain about spending the day playing in the ocean and catching waves (btw I caught a couple of really great and long rides today...A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!) and then relaxing in the pool and hot tub and having delicious, healthy snacks brought to us poolside. It is a little like a spa, though I could go for a massage right about now.
Mentally I'm more relaxed than I have been in longer than I can remember. The biggest effort I've expended mentally this week is trying to figure out how to channel this chill attitude all the time and whether anything would ever get done. I've succeeded with very little effort on my behalf at prioritizing myself.
I go for hours at a time where I forget that I have cancer. When I do think about cancer, I think about how alive I feel and not that I have stage 4b cancer and I'm supposed to be dying. I'm surrounded by other people who are young and understand what it's like to live with cancer, chemo, radiation, surgery, etc. Many of them are also parents and understand the dynamics of having small kids while going through cancer treatment. We are all wounded individuals who have chosen to move beyond the difficult hands life has dealt us. That is healing in and of itself. Everywhere I look there is someone that inspires and amazes me.
Finally, even though I get annoyed with myself because I want to have more energy. I know to focus on how proud of myself I am. Really I'm a bit of a closet homebody and can be amazingly shy, but here I am in a house with a bunch of strangers and I'm putting myself out there. I'm determined to get every moment of surfing time I can get and do the best I can. I may not be ready to hang ten by the end of this week but I'll keep trying. Before this week I wasn't even sure I would be able to get up on the board and It makes me burst with pride to know that all of us have. Cancer sucks but it sure has made my life richer and more interesting in a variety of ways. That's healing in itself.
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