It was a chemo day and we started off with our usual Friday routine. Get the kids off and sneak in a quick stop at the dog park after dropping off Ella. E didn't actually have school today so we allowed ourselves to sleep in a bit, thinking it would only set us back a half hour or so. In the end it was more like an hour and seemed to really upset the kids more than anything so we won't be doing that again.
The dog park was great except that it was COLD and Geoff only wore a T-shirt. I wore a jacket but I was cold just looking at him and Wilco, our wiener dog, was shivering too, so we kept it very short.
We had just enough time to drop off the dogs at home and grab our chemo stuff and head back out the door. I had labs done as usual when we arrived and then I headed off for my chest X-ray. It took maybe 5 minutes total so it was no big deal. We got to chemo on time, but they were full so we had to sit in the waiting room for a half hour or so.
When we finally got a chemo bay it took awhile to get to get everything set up. I feel bad because I was a little crabby and I had a new to me nurse. She didn't deserve my attitude and I wanted to apologize before I left but I didn't see her again.
A friend and former co-worker of mine came to visit with us and brought us both cards...a funny, mood brightening card for me and a funny birthday card for Geoff. She may have also included a paper gift that she shouldn't have. It was really nice and a definite bright spot to the day.
Well, that and seeing Geoff play with his new iPad mini from his birthday that I got to give him thanks to an anon gift giver. It was the greatest to be able to give him what I knew he really wanted. I have a hard time really taking any credit for it, but I'm sure happy to take pleasure in watching him with his new love.
So back to chemo...the visit with my friend was cut short because I was barely able to stay awake after having Benadryl. My eye lids were heavy and I think I must have been dozing off because I saw her and Geoff commenting on it. I was fighting it with all I had, but I guess it wasn't enough.
After that I slept. I woke up once to go to the bathroom and went right back to sleep until I woke up to a couple people entering our cubicle. I opened my eyes and saw my Nurse Practitioner and one of my favorite oncologists. My first reaction was drowsy and I was happy to see them both and then it was immediately followed by a thought that I probably should not have voiced out load the same way as it went through my head "if you're here, it's bad news isn't it?"
They both looked at me with these looks that confirmed my suspicions and grumbled about how they always have to be the duo giving me bad news and that it was even worse in their minds because I was sleeping so comfortably.
So the news...The chest X-ray was of course, abnormal, but inconclusive. This led to a stat chest CT a few minutes after I was finished with chemo. The concern was that I had cancer that metastasized to the lungs. I had the CT at 4pm. The worst part was I wasn't thinking and I let the chemo nurse deaccess my port so I had to get another IV placed for the CT.
I talked with my NP in person for a few minutes afterward the scan because she is amazing and goes above and beyond what she needs to do and then we headed off to pick up the kiddos. By the time we picked them both up my oncologist called with the results.
The CT results...The CT showed a small inconclusive mass in my lungs. It is likely that it is cancer but it is currently too small to really know. Since I have only been on chemo a few weeks (today was my 4th week, or 1st complete round) it is too soon for the chemo to really do anything. The plan is that we stick with the current treatment regimen through my next scan in a few months and then if needed we can reevaluate. There is question if the cough I have had is just related to the probable upper respiratory infection that I think I have had or this, likely I had an infection and this isn't even causing symptoms at this time.
Regardless it was a good scare for us today. We were genuinely freaked out and still are. The news still isn't exactly what I want to hear, but as Geoff sheepishly stated "man, you are really gearing up for quite the comeback, aren't you?" Is there really any other choice? I think not! As one of my lovely school mates stated (after i secretly confided in them for support to get through yet another scan) "you are one tough cookie!" Yes, yes, I am.
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