Instead of staying at the ridiculously expensive hotel associated with the conference center one of my Frontier sisters had the great idea of renting a house together from VRBO.com. I don't even know how many of us there are, but it's wonderful to be with so many like minded people. As one person stated, it seems "we are cut from the same cloth."
Many of us knew each other from a private Facebook support group that one of our housemates created a few years ago as a way to cope with out distant based educational program. Currently there are over 500 members and many of us are active on a daily basis, so it's fun to actually meet each other in person. It's also fun to get up in the morning and all hang out as we have breakfast, chat, and laugh and then we pile in to cars and drive the 3.5 miles to downtown. Throughout the days we bump into each others in the hallways, sessions, or the expedition halls and it seems like everywhere I go there is a familiar and friendly face.
We take breaks together or sneak away together (currently two of us have snuck back to the house for a break). In the evening we usually hang out on the giant patio or last night we all watched a birth movie together (la premier cri). Generally other Frontier students who are staying at the hotel drive over to hang out with us too.
I miss Geoff and the kiddos and I look forward to getting home to see them/hug them, but for the most part I've been so busy that by the end of the day I'm exhausted (hence the taking a break today). Mostly I feel guilty for taking a trip only a month after I was in Kentucky for school and leaving him with the kiddos again.
I registered for the trip back in February so I would get the early bird and student discounts and had no idea that I would be back in treatment or not working for the summer. I paid my initial $25. down payment on the house even before that. Shortly after finding out that the cancer was back in March I paid the other $150. to pay for my spot in the house just in case I could go. I had serious doubts but I figured I could always give my spot to someone else, but it would still be less than having to pay for a night in the hotel (in case I could go).
Ultimately I kept planning on going, but I didn't know for sure until I had results on my PET scan from Tuesday. Then I got up Wednesday morning and took E to preschool, went home and cleaned the bunny cage and finished packing, and headed out. Five hours into the drive I picked up a friend, and another 4.5 and we finally made it to the house. I'm proud to say I drove the whole way...and I'm not so sure I care about doing the same on the way back.
The only difficult part of all of this has been feeling guilty for waving Geoff at home with the kids again. Without me working things are even tighter so neither of us have much for money and I transferred anything I didn't need for driving and basic living expenses to his account before I left. I bought one $8 t-shirt for the kids and a $10 birth log book for myself. I've gotten a ton of free stuff from the exhibitors, but I was feeling kind of sorry for myself last night as everyone else showed off their cool purchases of clothes, jewelry, books, you name it. Then we sat down to watch the movie and I hear someone say "where's Ginny?"
Next thing I know one of my school mates comes and sits next to me with something in her hand. She tells me a story about the Origami Owl locket she is wearing and how one of her patients (a laboring mother) took the time to find her and friend her on Facebook. This patient found out about her likes no used that information to make a customized locket for her as a gift. Amazing right?
Well this story inspired her to do a similar thing for me (except we were already Facebook friends).
She included a "tree of life" charm at the back clasp that reads "life is a gift" on the other side.
An "inspire" backplate.
A "hope" charm.
A "faith" charm.
A "love" charm.
A "family" charm.
A paw print charm.
A horse charm.
A footprint charm (to represent my babies and all the babies I will catch).
A teal gem charm (to represent fighting cervical cancer).
A "S" charm (to represent the sisterhood).
And finally a treble clef charm (to symbolize my love of music...more on this in a moment).
She individually presented and explained the significance of each charm.
I was absolutely stunned. I'm pretty sure my shock combined with exhaustion is the only reason I didn't initially cry. Then I found out that she had it over night shipped from her home in New York to the house. We had brought a package in earlier in the day but I never looked at to see who it belonged to...
After this everyone else started to chime in with comments regarding how inspiring I am or how amazing I am. I was completely blown away and embarrassed too (but probably not as embarrassed as the person who was showering in the glass shower earlier in the evening as all of us sat on the deck on the other side of the bathroom window...with the curtains she forgot to close...we love you Sherry and I promise I didn't see a thing!!!)
I don't feel like I did anything to deserve such a special or meaningful gift/surprise. I know that if I was on the other side I would be amazed by someone fighting cancer and still trying to live out a life that includes kids, a husband, pets, graduate school, work (for most of the year), etc., but from my perspective I'm just doing what I need to. I know that sometimes my story is more interesting, but at times it just feels over told to me. I am constantly reminded of the difficult times I'm going through, but I know others have difficult times too, and I feel bad for all the energy this illness and the resulting repercussions take from me and my family. I have to remind myself that I am allowed to be mad about my situation sometimes and I really have to remind myself to be graceful.
The irony of that last statement is one of my classmates/housemates commented on how gracefully I've dealt with all of this. All I could think was you haven't seen all my sobbing fits or swearing tantrums. In reality though, I deserved those. I'm still not convinced I deserve all the other wonderful and thoughtful gifts people have bestowed on me and my family (locket included), but I am definitely appreciative. It really made my day/week/trip!
The rest of the story: the person who gave my the locket and I have been Facebook friends due to school for awhile now; even though, we have never met. We both realized that we had a mutual friend...Someone I went to junior high and high school with and then lost touch with until a few years ago. Someone I really admire and wish I lived closer to because we really seem to think alike and I'm fairly certain I would have a lot of fun with.
The same person has two children slightly younger in ages than mine. She lives in upstate NY and knows my classmate because my classmate was her labor & delivery nurse for both of her children. It is because of this person that my classmate knew about my "love for music," something I have never before mentioned here...I grew up (and occasionally still do) playing cello. I started when I was 8 years old and played all through grade school, junior high, and high school and this old friend of mine played too (I should add that she was always much better than me).
Somehow it was this extra touch that really just pushed the whole thing over the edge for me. I'm overwhelmed by the effort my classmate took to get to know my likes, much like her patient did for her, to create the perfect gift. I want to hug her every time I see her and I wish I had words to tell her how much her thoughtfulness means to me. How she and everyone else here made me feel special at a moment when I really wasn't feeling very special. Thank you sisterhood! I love all of you!!!
By the way, if you want to sneak pics at our house or are thinking about a trip to Nashville check out Chateau Getteau at http://www.vrbo.com/434271.
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