Today will be my 2nd to last dose of Topo and hopefully my last set of blood transfusions.
My counts are lower than ever, but not critical. We actually discussed transfusions yesterday and I asked if we could delay them so I could be done with chemo around 5pm and still make it to family night at Gilda's House. Since it wasn't critical and I'm not terribly symptomatic all parties agreed.
In addition to both chemos yesterday I had multiple electrolyte replacements like always and some fluid flushes making a grand total of about 4 liters again. It may have been more but I took Benadryl as always before I got my Cisplatin and slept through the rest of my treatment.
I also got my appointment schedule for the rest of the month, which means I got my PET/CT schedule. My next scan is August 23rd. There was no drama this time and it's in the scanner I like. I'm feeling pretty good about it and hopefully I won't be proven wrong. (It's really silly but our first ever family dog...one of the best dogs ever...was born on August 23 (1987), so I think it's kind of a lucky day).
Overall, I'm not quiet about being pretty much done with chemo. I hope I am done with chemo forever (in a good way). I have to add that little qualifier because I think last time I was a little too cocky and arrogant about it and I don't ever want to be here again.
Geoff was talking to me about some of the things he talked about tonight with his group at Gilda's Club. He mentioned something about telling everyone how I was told in March I have a year to a year and half and it would go fast. Suddenly he had my whole attention. I didn't remember actually getting a time line. I must have heard subconsciously because that fits with what I imagined would be appropriate for my diagnosis. I was pretty foggy with Benadryl brain at the time he said this, but suddenly I had million thoughts in my head. Geoff continued on to say how great he thought I was doing and how he had been telling everyone that he thought I was going to blow that out of the water. I agreed as I mentally calculated that puts me in the range of March 2014-September 2014. Then I was thinking, "no thank you." There were also thoughts of panic, "sh$&,I hate how real this is," "I'm not going to be another statistic," "I wish I had some control over all this," my kids, my kids, my kids, my kids, is finishing school really worth it, my kids, Geoff, my family...it's funny how Geoff mentioning that one thing in the middle of his "rah, rah, Gin is doing so great" talk is what got my full attention and resulted in him having to give me more pep talks.
I suspect these next few weeks will have their moments of anxiety and anticipation of what this next scan will bring, but I'll keep myself redirected with positive affirmations, meditations, the kids &Geoff, the zoo, dog walking, horse back riding, and clinicals/school work.
Now it's time to see if I can sneak in a little half hour nap before I have to be up for chemo today. E is already awake and reading books quietly in his room. My mom was up for a few minutes but crawled back in bed, and Geoff and Ella are still sleeping. I just have to remember that E has "safety camp" at his preschool when I do get back up because I missed the first two days of it this week...darn chemo brain!
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