I'm tired. I'm sore. I hurt everywhere. It's a good thing I'm almost done with chemo bc I feel horrible. I've lost track of how many times I've broke down crying this week bc I can't do all the things I "think" I should be doing.
It's only one little part, but lets just talk about my ankles. More appropriately known as cankles. This happened at the end of chemo last time too, and actually it was worse last time, but that doesn't really make it easier this time. When I get out of bed in the morning and try to stand I feel much like what an elderly person with arthritis must feel like. My ankles don't want to move. They ache and only feel better with the use of pain meds and heat. They are stiff and the pain...I don't even know how to describe the pain. There is a reason elderly people don't have 2 year olds, just walk a few steps in my ankles and you would understand.
There is so much more aches, pains, and discomforts than my ankles, and I won't bore you with all of them. Right now I'm wishing I could sleep for a few days, but I'm lucky if I get 8 hours of sleep in a day. Days! Ha!
Anyway, I had plans for painting projects while the kids napped today. It doesn't matter that I hurt. I take pain meds and suck up the rest. I was able to get E to sleep without a problem, but not Ella of course. She has become adept at climbing out of her crib. Usually this skill is reserved for bedtime, but not today. We've talked about being done with the crib, but we are both hesitant to move her to a bed completely.
Back to today...I thought I finally had her to sleep. Things were quiet which is either really good or really bad. Today it was really bad. She had stripped herself down and um, wet her bed. As soon as she saw me she demanded to sit on the potty. Not because she actually had to go but bc she wanted a sticker for trying.
So much for painting or cleaning up for her birthday party.
Instead I cleaned her and her bed up and then laid down on the bed in her room. It's the only way to get her to calm down and go to sleep. She just wants someone by her and I can't blame her. It's normal and ultimately, it's sweet.
From an adult perspective, it can be frustrating. Especially when I'm tired and sore and know I have limited energy...and I'm not going to want to get back up. Maybe I shouldn't though. Maybe I should give myself a break. Maybe my sweet (and frustrating) little two year old does know best.
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