Worst nightmare

Yesterday I was walking by one of the unit secretary's while doing clinicals at the hospital. I saw she was reading an article on Pierce Brosnan's daughter who died of ovarian cancer. My stomach lurched. I craned my neck to skim the article and I saw that her mother (his first wife) had died of ovarian cancer too.

I almost lost it. The real life James Bond lost his daughter and first wife to ovarian cancer?

Ovarian cancer and cervical cancer are both gynecological cancers. Ovarian cancer is known for being particularly lethal, while cervical cancer is known for being slow growing and easy to treat. Since my cervical cancer doesn't fit with "typical" cervical cancer I often identify with the more publicized ovarian cancer.

Regardless, I should tell you what my immediate thought was after reading this article. If you haven't already guessed...Ella.

This was hardly the first time that this thought has crossed my mind. It makes me sick to even think about it. When I was first diagnosed I looked up journal articles and case studies about the specific type of cancer I have. I found multiple case studies of little girls, like ages under 12, that had the same type of cancer. I couldn't read them because that IS my worst nightmare.

I've gone through so much, but I have been blessed to have children and a family. I can't imagine my daughter going through all of this and never having a chance at any of those things. I want to say that I believe there is no way this could happen twice to our family, but I also don't wish to tempt fate.

I really can't even wrap my head around it all because it is just too much.

Of course, I know I don't need to and for the most part I just redirect my thoughts, but reading about Pierce Brosnan's family makes me just ache. I think of Geoff and what all of it would mean for him. I think of E and the implications for him.

My heart goes out to Pierce Brosnan and his family. I can't imagine the personal hell they have gone through. I can't imagine losing your partner and then your child to the same disease.

It isn't enough for me to just fight cancer. I need to do something more, so I signed up to do a Relay for Life. I've been meaning to sign up for a few weeks now. I have never participated in Relay for Life before and a friend of ours organized a team up in the Twin Cities for July 19th, the day after I was supposed (more on that in a minute) to be done with chemo.

It sounds like fun and it's for a great cause, so I registered. If you want to support me and pledge $10 or dedicate a luminaria check out my link (I will eventually add it to the blog):

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?fr_id=51717&pg=personal&px=34165209

Oh and about that chemo thing...I had an appointment last week and it was decided that because I am young, healthy (other than the whole cancer thing), resilient, tough, (I'm laughing as I'm writing all these adjectives thrown out by my oncologist) and responding to treatment why not add a bonus round. So instead of 6 rounds I will have 7. I can't say I'm surprised or enthusiastic, but I am in agreement.