Hi, it's Geoff. I'm sorry I haven't written anything for awhile. As I hinted at last time, the next part of the story is not so happy, so I haven't exactly been psyched about writing it. I still want to do it, and I probably will soon. This will just be a short interlude tonight. I can't really sleep, so I wanted to write a little something that has been on my mind this week.
So, as you may have heard, this weekend is Mother's Day. I am traditionally a fairly cynical person about Hallmark (tm) holidays (quick aside, so was the actual founder of Mother's Day), but during the past couple of years, Gin and I adopted a philosophy to take advantage of any opportunity to celebrate, so these holidays do mean something to me (except Sweetest Day, I always thought that one was dumb and never liked it at all). Mother's Day in particular was always a bit of a sore subject, because Gin was always a little bitter (jokingly) that Ephraim was born after Mother's Day, but before Father's Day, so the great fairness meter of life was always a little on my side, because I had more Father's Days than she had Mother's Days. It was one of those jokes just between us. This week, I was reminded that the great fairness meter of life has been a little crappy lately, and thinking about how I'll have more Father's Days than she will have Mother's Days takes something that used to be a fun and now just makes it really depressing.
These holidays are kind of a tricky beast. Remember, Valentine's Day this year was less than a week after she passed away. Not a great day, but all in all, it really didn't bother me. There have been random pieces of junk mail that have been more painful than Valentine's Day. In retrospect, I do think some of that can get chalked up to just being too raw at the time to really take it in.
Anyway, Mother's Day and the buildup have definitely been a little different than Valentine's Day was. I think the biggest reason is the kids. Mother's Day is largely about their relationship with their mom, which lends itself to the question, "So how are the kids are doing?" Easiest answer is that they are doing very well. We talk about Mom frequently, we sometimes get sad (which we acknowledge is OK), but mainly, it is happy stuff. We love watching stuff like the Roar video and looking at pictures of the kids playing with Mom. Which leads to the main point...
There are several people who have asked about how we are handling Mother's Day, and the simple answer is not all that different than last year. The kids still have a Mom, and we are going to celebrate how awesome she is. That never changes. Just to be perfectly clear, I really do appreciate the people who have asked about how we are handling things this year. I appreciate the sensitivity on the subject. It is tricky. I have heard stories of kids getting ostracized at school because they "don't have a mom." Call me ignorant or naive, but this is not something I worry about. A lot of this stems from the fact that we have been lucky, and we are surrounded by a wonderfully supported community.
So we are celebrating. The kids have a mom, and always will. Just because she passed away doesn't mean they were magically conceived out of thin air. One of the most important things to me is that they know their mom. Gin and I talked about the fact that the kids are so young they might not have clear memories of her as they get older. These are the kind of conversations Gin and I would have, and are just as gut-wrenching to think about now as they were to actually have at the time. I want to do what I can to help them remember her. This is everything from how she looked, to her interests, and most importantly, her values.. It is a tricky line to walk, since I don't want them living in the past, nor do I want to keep dredging up painful or sad memories. This is all why I treat these holidays as positively as I can, even as a cynic, and despite the dubiously loaded meaning of the holidays themselves. Ultimately, as corny as it may sound, it is a chance to remind each other that even though she is not here, she is still here. So we are celebrating.
